1. Free Willy. I’m not just talking about profile names like THICK11 and BIGWILLY7 (no woman in her right mind will take that bait), but a few other things men need to cross off the “I thought it was a good idea list” include: a picture of yourself handling your dick under clothing, a picture showing an outline of a hard dick under clothing, or even just a shot of you, waist down, in tighty-whities. You might want to see a woman half naked, but trust me, women aren’t visual. If they were Playgirl would outsell Cosmo—but it doesn’t. Tuck it in, and focus on whatever else you might have going for yah.
2. Follically-Challenged. Yeah, that’s the right thing to do, wear a hat in every picture. She won’t figure it out. Not. It’s the first thing women think. It’s like lying by omission, only it’s what I call lying by obstruction. This coffee date isn’t going to go well if she’s expecting to see a little crab grass up top so take off the hat, shine it up and date women who love you just the way you are. Awwh, now isn’t that sweet?
3. Marital Status = Separated. The catch-all category for married men on the make. It’s not a totally lie, you fabricated a fight with her last night so you could get away for a couple days. That’s separated isn’t it?
4. Gumpy & Pokey. You don’t stretch so stop lying about your damn height. Not getting enough email traffic? Think she won’t notice the difference between 5’7” and 5’10”. Trust me when I say—oh yeah she will. Hence the reason why she isn’t happy and you aren’t getting laid. Look, every 7/11 and gas station has a measuring tap on the wall beside the door. This isn’t something that’s difficult to figure out.
5. She Ain’t Nothin’ But a Gold-Digga. Dude, don’t take a picture of your car, motorcycle, house, dining room table or anything else you own and post it on your profile. Seriously. Women don’t want to see all that, and if they do, they’re exactly the kind of women say you don’t want to meet. You know the song and if you don’t it’s time to learn the words.
2. Follically-Challenged. Yeah, that’s the right thing to do, wear a hat in every picture. She won’t figure it out. Not. It’s the first thing women think. It’s like lying by omission, only it’s what I call lying by obstruction. This coffee date isn’t going to go well if she’s expecting to see a little crab grass up top so take off the hat, shine it up and date women who love you just the way you are. Awwh, now isn’t that sweet?
3. Marital Status = Separated. The catch-all category for married men on the make. It’s not a totally lie, you fabricated a fight with her last night so you could get away for a couple days. That’s separated isn’t it?
4. Gumpy & Pokey. You don’t stretch so stop lying about your damn height. Not getting enough email traffic? Think she won’t notice the difference between 5’7” and 5’10”. Trust me when I say—oh yeah she will. Hence the reason why she isn’t happy and you aren’t getting laid. Look, every 7/11 and gas station has a measuring tap on the wall beside the door. This isn’t something that’s difficult to figure out.
5. She Ain’t Nothin’ But a Gold-Digga. Dude, don’t take a picture of your car, motorcycle, house, dining room table or anything else you own and post it on your profile. Seriously. Women don’t want to see all that, and if they do, they’re exactly the kind of women say you don’t want to meet. You know the song and if you don’t it’s time to learn the words.
