1. Bootie-Pa-Tootie. I’m looking for a long term committed relationship. That’s why I posted photos of my nearly bare breasts as my profile picture. You don’t need to see my face, that’s not important. Oh, and here’s a picture of me in a thong, in case you and 25 million other men online haven’t seen enough of me already. This is what you wanted to take home to Mom isn’t it? My name? Why does that matter? Didn’t you see my breasts?
2. Family Vacation Package. I’m a “package deal” so I also posted pictures of my under-aged children. I did that because I’m not at all worried about child molesters or internet prowlers. I’m also the type they doesn’t have parental control software on my computer. I’m making sure you know right up front that I’m careless with my kids and their safety. Yeah, you’re right, it’s probably a fairly accurate representation of how careless I’ll be with our relationship as well.
3. The Rusty Fishing Lure. The profile starts like this. “I know that NOBODY is going to read this so I don’t know why I am spending time writing all this. Also the men on here really don’t seem to care about anyone but themselves.” The stream of unconscious negativity continues on for another 798 characters of her 800 character limit. Fine, but did anyone actually make it past the first couples sentences without wanting to slit their wrists? Not exactly what we mean by “a hook” when it comes to writing (or love).
4. We are family. All your friends swear you look like sisters. So you posted a picture of your daughter. Perfect! I’m guessing none of the guys you meet for coffee never follow up for a second date. I’m also thinking you need new friends. Time to face reality, there’s Botox for situations like this. Get a few shots and take a real picture, it’s just better that way.
5. Okay Oprah, what’ll it be this week? 135 lbs or 250? Don’t think for 1 second he isn’t going to notice your weight when you show up in person, or that he’ll like your personality so much it won’t matter what you weigh. You’re wrong and you’ll regret it. If you really have this self-deprecating need to be rejected, keep it up. My guess is, it’s working well for you.
2. Family Vacation Package. I’m a “package deal” so I also posted pictures of my under-aged children. I did that because I’m not at all worried about child molesters or internet prowlers. I’m also the type they doesn’t have parental control software on my computer. I’m making sure you know right up front that I’m careless with my kids and their safety. Yeah, you’re right, it’s probably a fairly accurate representation of how careless I’ll be with our relationship as well.
3. The Rusty Fishing Lure. The profile starts like this. “I know that NOBODY is going to read this so I don’t know why I am spending time writing all this. Also the men on here really don’t seem to care about anyone but themselves.” The stream of unconscious negativity continues on for another 798 characters of her 800 character limit. Fine, but did anyone actually make it past the first couples sentences without wanting to slit their wrists? Not exactly what we mean by “a hook” when it comes to writing (or love).
4. We are family. All your friends swear you look like sisters. So you posted a picture of your daughter. Perfect! I’m guessing none of the guys you meet for coffee never follow up for a second date. I’m also thinking you need new friends. Time to face reality, there’s Botox for situations like this. Get a few shots and take a real picture, it’s just better that way.
5. Okay Oprah, what’ll it be this week? 135 lbs or 250? Don’t think for 1 second he isn’t going to notice your weight when you show up in person, or that he’ll like your personality so much it won’t matter what you weigh. You’re wrong and you’ll regret it. If you really have this self-deprecating need to be rejected, keep it up. My guess is, it’s working well for you.
