If you’re single, then you know exactly what I’m talking about – Singledom, the little town across the stream from Coupledom. Being from Singledom means that if you get an invitation to a party in Coupledom, they probably feel sorry for you. Being from Singledom means Christmas alone. No presents, no mistletoe, one stocking, and nobody to snuggle with beside the fireplace.
So the question becomes, is Singledom really all that bad just because it’s Christmas? Is it so unbearable that I need to jump up right now? Pay a bunch of money. Meet a guy who won’t look anything like Blake. Get disappointed and start the whole process all over again? No. You just sit tight girlfriend. Don’t let the big man and his fancy commercial force you to part with your money. Don’t make any hasty decisions you might later regret. A better idea for the $119.95 is a new Coach bag from the closest outlet mall. You’ll feel good, look great and have something you can actually bring to a party without feeling embarrassed.
The point is, hang in there. It’s only a week and there are worse things that can be happening to you. Don’t focus on what you don’t have, focus on what you do.
Diane, I will not feel sorry for myself because it’s Christmas and I am single. I realize that there are many things to be thankful for. Therefore I promise I will not forget:
It’s not bad enough that you’re from “the wrong side of the tracks.” To rub it in your best friends at eHarmony, Match and some weird registration increasing site called Zooks, plaster their ads all over the TV during prime time hours. Hey, you! Are you sitting on the couch alone, again? Loser. Come join our site and you’ll be having drinks with all your happy friends in Coupledom.
Watch the ads but as you do, remember this. They know that you are sitting there, with your cat, alone. They know what TV shows and stations you watch. They also know that you’re female, and can be easily swayed by your emotions. They dig deep, and I mean REAL deep to come up with “actual members” who are presentable enough for TV. They create commercials that would have you believe you could meet a guy like Blake over here, tonight.
Of course the Blake you will find on their site will be as dashing handsome as the guy on TV. He’ll be totally into you and without question, he’ll be a Penis With Potential. Yup, for only $119.95 (for 3 months) all your problems will be solved. You’ll have your ticket to Coupledom, guaranteed. Not only that, we will match you on not 1, but 29 different dimensions! Feel like a Rubik’s cube yet? I always wondered why dating sites who claim to offer such good matches require you to purchase a minimum 1 month membership. In theory, I should be able to sign up, answer all the question, click “submit” and bingo – out comes Blake. That takes what? 1 Hour? If an online dating site could really produce the results they advertise, shouldn’t you be able to register by the hour? Think about it.
There’s no accounting for chemistry says the big man with the fancy commercials. And you know what? He’s right. And for $119.95 for 3 months there is also no accounting for the pictures that are posted. They can “verify” someone’s address and age (by cross-checking credit card information obtained upon registration) but that’s about all. Blake could be Homer Simpson in real life and you’re not going to know it until you’ve invested time and energy into email and phone conversations. Then what happens? Well, he shows up at Starbucks and you notice that the beer belly enters the building about 2 minutes before the rest of his genetic magnificence catches up.
Blake, my ass.
So, whatever will you do? Well, let’s think about this. In Singledom you might feel lonely a few times a year. For me the two events I often think may be better celebrated in Coupledom are my birthday, and the Christmas/News Years season. Everything else, though, if I have to admit it, is pretty okay in Singledom. I mean I get to do whatever I want. No skid-mark underwear one the floor waiting for ME to wash it. Nobody sitting on my couch when I get home from work, feet up on the coffee table, remote control in hand, expecting ME to cook dinner. No one telling me I can’t jump on a plane tomorrow and go shopping all weekend in LA. Most importantly, there is nobody there who believes that they get to take 50% of everything I own when the relationship ends because he couldn’t “keep it in his pants.” Yeah. Think about that!
So the question becomes, is Singledom really all that bad just because it’s Christmas? Is it so unbearable that I need to jump up right now? Pay a bunch of money. Meet a guy who won’t look anything like Blake. Get disappointed and start the whole process all over again? No. You just sit tight girlfriend. Don’t let the big man and his fancy commercial force you to part with your money. Don’t make any hasty decisions you might later regret. A better idea for the $119.95 is a new Coach bag from the closest outlet mall. You’ll feel good, look great and have something you can actually bring to a party without feeling embarrassed.
The point is, hang in there. It’s only a week and there are worse things that can be happening to you. Don’t focus on what you don’t have, focus on what you do.
Diane, I will not feel sorry for myself because it’s Christmas and I am single. I realize that there are many things to be thankful for. Therefore I promise I will not forget:
· I am not a woman in Afghanistan. Phew.
· I am healthy, strong, independent, free to earn a good living, speak my mind and vote.
· I am not dying or starving (unless by choice – one must always fit into that little black dress).
· The grass isn’t always greener and Coupledom doesn’t guarantee I won’t be lonely.
· $119.95 can buy me a lot of handbag happiness!
· There is no skid-mark underwear on my floor.
