Online dating isn’t the same as traditional dating, and it irks the heck out of me when I see what I absolutely know is a traditional dating advice column spun to fit online dating. Search and replace “dating” with “online dating.” No, no, no. It doesn’t work, at least not until all the emails, texts and other forms of online communication are over and you’re sitting side-by-side on someone’s couch, the woman invariably thinking, “Where is this all going?” Then, and only then, is it traditional dating.
Uh-huh.
So when you finally do sit down for a coffee with Danny Devito, what’s going on? Well, I can tell you this. It’s not about getting to know each other better. More often than not, it’s about assessing whether or not that person is who he or she said he was. I can’t put a number to it, but a whole heck of a lot of online dates end when the first empty paper coffee cup hits the trash can. Why? Because people just aren’t who they claim to be online.
Back to traditional world and the guy you already met, know, know of, talked to in church, did a charity bottle drive with last weekend, or agreed to meet on the advice of Helga, the family matchmaker. This meeting is different, it’s an actual date, the kind where you get to know each other better. The kind where, despite what you’re actually doing, the undertone is, you are checking each other out and sharing thoughts on important things—values, morals, kids, religion. There’s no saying this won’t end when the coffee cup is empty, but it’s different. Maybe even less judgmental, after all, with online dating, and before the paper cup hits the bottom of the trash can, there are 10 more “flirts” in your inbox. Plenty more where he came from, check please!
There’s no one way, right way, or perfect path to love. It’s important to try all the different options. Just be wary of the advice you follow. I personally think the best approach is to apply logic and trust your instincts. You know the old saying, “if something seems too good to be true, it probably is.” There’s nothing I can add to that. All I can say is that I wish you the best, and if you do hook up with DOGLOVER4U, I hope he is as decent in person as he appears online. I hope the in-person chemistry is off the charts. I hope his house resembles a castle, and most important, I hope he chooses you and deletes the other 10 flirts.
For example, meeting for the first time. If you didn’t meet online, you probably met some other more traditional way. Your friends set you up, you work together, you go to the same church, belong to the same club, or live in the same neighbourhood. That could be the reason why you met at the park while your kids were on the swing set. In other words, you met before you decided to meet (for a first date). There was some kind of screening process that already took place. Your girlfriend assured you that even though he’s less than 5’6”, lost all his hair and is stocky; he’s very nice, has a good job, a well-trained dog and owns a home. Okay, first BIG difference. That’s reliable information coming from a trusted source and it’s real. If you go online DOGLOVER4U here is probably 5’9” (easy to blame dyslexia for that mistake), wearing a ball cap in every cropped-at-the-waist picture, and categorizes his weight as “athletic.” All this, brought to you by Mr. Fancy Dating Site Owner with the expensive prime time commercials. Uhm... and you trust him more than your long-time friend? This is what I’m talking about.
When you flirt, email, text, phone, then decide to meet, you have to realize that you really still don’t know anything about the person you are meeting for sure. Yeah, yeah, some people are honest, even if I was to go so far as to say 80 percent of people on dating sites are honest (insert throat clearing noise here) there are still MANY that aren’t. Twenty percent of 50 plus million is still millions of dishonest people. Get my drift?
So... right from the get-go, online dating is different. When you head out the door to Starbucks to meet someone for the very first time, you are painfully aware that this is someone you have never laid eyes on, someone who doesn’t go to your office, church, supermarket, or friend’s houses. This someone could look so entirely different from his pictures that you don’t even recognize him.
In traditional world, DOGLOVER4U may have only been 5’6”, but you knew that, so when you saw him get out of the car, you weren’t surprised. Also, because you’re 5’4” this totally wasn’t a problem. Perfect. In online dating world DOGLOVER4U is still 5’6” but you’re 5’9” and were hoping he’d at least be your height. After all, that’s what his profile said.
Uh-huh.
So when you finally do sit down for a coffee with Danny Devito, what’s going on? Well, I can tell you this. It’s not about getting to know each other better. More often than not, it’s about assessing whether or not that person is who he or she said he was. I can’t put a number to it, but a whole heck of a lot of online dates end when the first empty paper coffee cup hits the trash can. Why? Because people just aren’t who they claim to be online.
Back to traditional world and the guy you already met, know, know of, talked to in church, did a charity bottle drive with last weekend, or agreed to meet on the advice of Helga, the family matchmaker. This meeting is different, it’s an actual date, the kind where you get to know each other better. The kind where, despite what you’re actually doing, the undertone is, you are checking each other out and sharing thoughts on important things—values, morals, kids, religion. There’s no saying this won’t end when the coffee cup is empty, but it’s different. Maybe even less judgmental, after all, with online dating, and before the paper cup hits the bottom of the trash can, there are 10 more “flirts” in your inbox. Plenty more where he came from, check please!
There’s no one way, right way, or perfect path to love. It’s important to try all the different options. Just be wary of the advice you follow. I personally think the best approach is to apply logic and trust your instincts. You know the old saying, “if something seems too good to be true, it probably is.” There’s nothing I can add to that. All I can say is that I wish you the best, and if you do hook up with DOGLOVER4U, I hope he is as decent in person as he appears online. I hope the in-person chemistry is off the charts. I hope his house resembles a castle, and most important, I hope he chooses you and deletes the other 10 flirts.
